I watched ‘If I Stay’ and I’m not sure if my friends noticed I cried but if they did, the kindest thing they’ve ever done for me is pretend they didn’t notice because they knew I wasn’t crying about the movie. Life just is not like the movies.
The hardest thing to watch in the entire movie was the Grandfather telling her that if she needs to let go, she can let go and my tears started silently pouring because I was taken back. I suddenly remembered being in ICU with you holding your hand, feeling the last bit of warmth in your body and silently thinking, "Don’t keep fighting if you know it’s time, it’s okay, it’s okay. We’ll be okay. If it’s time for you to go, it’s okay. You can let go." Another part of that movie that was hard to watch was when everyone lined up in three’s to see her, when her friend was telling her so many people were in the waiting room to see her. That was us, more than 200 people crowded an ICU waiting room, waiting for news, so many of us slept in the ICU only going home to shower, eat and change. We had a line up of people going down the hall just to see you going in three at a time.
But don’t get me wrong, we made progress. I’m not as sad anymore and I’m finally okay Francis, like I told you I would. I made it but you will always be one of my good friends and you will always be so dear to me.
When it’s my time, I will embrace you and we will laugh and you’ll tell me about all the adventures you had and I’ll thank you for always watching over me while I experienced my own.
Thank you for always being a good friend to me, even in death.